Jade Chinese Restaurant

Am not feeling well today and the egg drop soup definitely was just what I needed to eat. It’s the best I’ve had along with the crab rangoons! The best food and very friendly delivery service. Thank you!

I love this place!!! I just ordered dinner for New Year's Eve ..I had my order in less than an hour! This place is where I go when I want fresh and delicious chinese food! I have to add, the staff gets my order right everytime! TY Jade

I've ordered the pu pu platter for 1 via Door Dash a couple times and it's excellent! I get the cravings once in a while for Chinese this def hit's the spot!! Def recommend!

The Ancient greek poet Hesiod and the ancient Sumerians had tales of a trickster human named Prometheus who stole fire from the gods, however recent archaeological discoveries of greek writing and new cross generational language translation programs have better translated their stories in recent times. These stories have previously been translated incorrectly. It Is not “Prometheus stole fire from the gods” but rather “Prometheus ordered a Big Meal D8, with Chicken Chow Mein, from Jade Chinese”. What is a Big meal you might ask? A big meal is just that, a Big Meal. Weighing in at 2.75lbs of chinese food (yes I have checked) for only 11.95, the big meal is the largest amount of chinese food you can conceivably purchase for the lowest price, this side of the Yangtze River. The Big meal is so large in fact that it is literally both emotionally and physically impossible to finish it within a single sitting. Eating more than two thirds of a big meal in one sitting will actually trigger a chemical reflex in the brain to sleep, so strong that it is comparable to benzodiazepines used for elephant sedation, and it is currently being researched by several Johns Hopkins and Harvard medical teams as an alternative sedative for medically induced comas, and longer duration invasive surgery. In fact the single only time I, or anyone else, attempted to finish a big meal was in 2015, and within 15 minutes I blacked out so hard that when I awoke Donald John Trump was somehow president. Research into the big meal has also been heavily shrouded in mystery. The cooks at Jades chinese are rumored to have been excommunicated from a secret order of Chinese monks for creating a dish they called “Moderately Large Meal Portion” this meal itself being smaller than the big meal at only 1.25lbs. The chinese monks at their order were so appalled at this gargantuan creation they banished them from the order. When they came to the USA and settled down in Harvard MA and vowed to take revenge on the order and create a meal even larger they then dubbed the Big Meal. As recently as 2018 a team of MIT graduate physics students attempted to delve deeper into the creation of the Big Meal as a means of uncovering a possible link to dark matter due to the Big Meals near impossible density. They found that after ordering a Big meal over the phone, despite being told numerous occasions that the food would always take 15 minutes to be ready, it was ready in as little as 3, albeit the food was also nearly 300 degrees celsius. As such that same MIT graduate team is now looking into using early pick up big meals as a potential alternative energy source. In terms of quality there are no others that even come close to the quality of the Big Meal. The Big Meal is so good in fact, that if my pancreas were to suddenly and violently rupture as a result of the hyperglycemia of eating more than 3/4ths of a big meal, and should I drop dead, I know that when I awoke in heaven I would still be eating the same Big Meal. As I sit in my office chair still completely full from the half Big Meal I ate three days ago I have zero regrets about the potential thousands of dollars I have spent at Jade Chinese over the past 4 years. 5 out of 5 stars.

This food was gross! Everything was soggy and bland, food looked old, greasy, mushy. The lady was very nice, the food was very bad. Waste of money, I tossed everything!